"When a parent is sexual with a child, the child concludes at a fundamental level that in order to have a relationship, one has to be sexual," Carnes says in Shadows. His book Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction is regarded by therapists as the quintessential resource on the subject. Carnes is the clinical director for sexual disorder services at The Meadows in Wickenburg, Ariz. THE NAME PATRICK CARNES is well-recognized by most therapists and counselors working in the realm of sexual mental health. But if I admitted that my parents were wrong and bad, I'd have to admit that I was wrong or bad."
"I noticed all the things that were different that happened in other people's houses than what happened in my house. "I mean, what mom doesn't know to leave a teenage son alone when she puts him to bed?" he asks the group. John realizes now that this behavior was bizarre and bordered on incestuous.
She never behaved as if she disapproved of what John was doing or that there was anything improper about her catching him. Still, he didn't think it was strange when his mom would come back into his room after he'd gone to bed. When he was young, masturbation was part of John's nightly ritual. John's parents said it was the neighbors who had a problem, not their family.
The friend's parents were upset and offended they told John's parents that John had a dirty mouth. His description was elaborate, graphic and accurate. John's first hunch that something was wrong came when he was 5 years old, and he described to a neighbor friend why a dog had an erection. There were frequent sexual innuendos and discussions about sex, which led John to believe there was nothing inherently private about sexuality. Conversations in his childhood home were highly sexualized. John attributes his obsession with sex to his upbringing. If you ever closed and locked a door, you were asked why." You couldn't go to the bathroom or take a shower without somebody walking in on you. "There were no boundaries of conduct whatsoever. "I was raised in a boundary-less home," he says. Then, John takes a deep breath and dives into his personal history. Bill, looking at ease in a basic Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts, reads the 12 traditions. "Hi, my name is Bill, and I'm a sexual compulsive." "Hi, my name is John, and I'm a sexual compulsive." To define sexual sobriety for ourselves." John, with a Diet Pepsi and a bag of Sun Chips at the foot of his chair, recites Sexual Compulsives Anonymous' statement of purpose: "To stop having compulsive sex. Framed pictures of "The Last Supper" and a Madonna with child image hang slightly askew on the wall. There's a cartoon illustration of Jesus gazing softly over a group of doting children, and another of youth engaged in various wholesome activities. Whimsical religious posters decorate the rooms. They occupy chairs suited to their size, although most of the furniture stacked against the walls is intended for children not yet old enough to giggle when they hear the word "sex."
#SEX ADDICTS ANONYMOUS MEETINGS IN AZ TV#
The three men gather around two TV tray-sized tables spread with literature about sexual addiction. It's Saturday, 5 p.m., in the Sunday school room behind a local church. Although there is no SCA group in Tucson, a peek into this gathering shows the format at similar 12-step meetings held here. They settle into their chairs at a Sexual Compulsives Anonymous meeting in Reno, Nev. "We hope in the future society will come to understand and accept addicts as people who have an illness that can be controlled." "It's acceptable to be known as a drug addict or alcoholic-even fashionable for some celebrities, but the same is not true for sex addicts," he says. He cites the opening of the Betty Ford center as one reason alcoholism is more accepted today. Ray, a "sober" sex addict for the past 15 years and a sober alcoholic for 20 years, says alcoholics faced the same shame years ago. Society tries to avoid anyone who is a sex addict." Ray, the local contact for Sexaholics Anonymous, explains the difference: "Meetings are not open because of the social stigma associated with being a sex addict. Meetings for members of Sexaholics Anonymous and Sexual Addicts Anonymous are closed-in stark contrast to a myriad of open Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. This is the road to recovery for sex addicts in Tucson-a private journey away from the public eye. Rules of conduct are recited experiences are shared. In a room beyond the chapel, a private meeting takes place-for members only. The doors of a local church are closed on a recent Friday evening.
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